More of a journey than a destination.

These last two weeks have been ruthless. Despite being on my fifth set of health coaches in the span of 2+ years, I still find myself stuck in a body that is constantly in pain and is 25 pounds overweight. Pain that includes migraines, anxiety, overwhelm, irritability, brain fog, and bloating.

At times, I feel like I'm crawling through life.

In the midst of the crawling, I have days where I can run. I become over productive to a fault in irritating my husband to help with projects around the house because I know I have to capitalize on the days I actually feel good.

The opposite end of that spectrum crashes into forcefully ignoring the sink full of dishes and growing laundry mountain on the days I sit in silence on the couch with a migraine, physically incapable of getting the simplest tasks done at all.

The roller coaster is unforgiving. The highs feeling higher and getting a taste of normalcy again to the lows crashing lower and lower with more anger and frustration building each time.

The toxic trait of a woman in a male-dominated field is that we don't know how to stop the madness. We choose to run through brick wall after brick wall, fighting through each challenge and hurdle thrown our way, until we get to where we want to be. We are highly disciplined and high achievers. We get shit done.

The other side of that coin is that eventually, if we do not appropriately balance things (balance... what's that?!), our minds and our bodies give out. They scream STOP. Yet we ignore the signs and think it's another thing we have to push through.

Getting sick? Nah, I have to hit the gym. Bloated all the time? No big deal. Dealing with random breakouts on your face? Must be stress. That's normal right? Keeping Tylenol and Excedrin with you non-stop because you literally can't stop for any type of headache or joint pain? Pain is just weakness leaving the body (eye twitch). Knowing you can run on four hours of sleep and two energy drinks? DAMN that's the ultimate badge of honor and productivity. YOLO.

Yes, you do only live once, but turning YOLO into "Fuck It," doesn't work so well.

I shout these red flags of chronic stress from the mountain tops because I wish I knew these signs when I was at my lowest point in my law enforcement career and was watching my mental and physical health begin to decline. I don't wish this experience upon anyone.

I hope you hear my story so you don't make the same mistakes I did. If you've had a similar experience, I hope I have validated yours. I hope my story will become your survival guide to pull yourself out of a dark mental hole, just like I had to three times in three and a half years.

I'm still healing. I'm still crawling forward however I can. Day after day, showing up for myself. Crying my eyes out if I have to but never giving up.

The ever positive trait of women in male-dominated fields is that we don't give up. We are resilient. We get knocked down and we get back up time and time again. Nothing that truly breaks us will prevail. We refuse to stay broken. We heal and we come back stronger.

The journey makes us stronger than reaching any destination ever can.

We rise by lifting others, but first we must lift ourselves.

Stay FIERCE,

❤️ Coach Monica